if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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