Do you still have your period?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We named our party play list daddy issues
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
