I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
