Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
