does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
