all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
