I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
