I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
