I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
