Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
