Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
