...so i touched it.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
