If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We are all done wearing pants today
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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