Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
