i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
