Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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