I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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