so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
