i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
