just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
