she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
