I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
