New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
