I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
