so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
