I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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