ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
