You just made me feel so damn special
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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