smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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