Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
