Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
