my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
