Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
