ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
