just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
