I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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