I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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