He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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