i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
