rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
