I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
