I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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