ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
