porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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