Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
being pregnant is like rehab
I need a burrito and a hug.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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