I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
