Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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