It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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