you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Semen is not good for contacts.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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