i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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