so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Hippo gnu deer
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
