Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
