I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
you had me at cake vodka
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
