I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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