Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
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